• About
  • Projects & Research
  • Publications
  • Archives
  • Categories
  • Archive for the ‘Personal’ Category

    EEG & Disability: TED Talk Reaction


    2010 - 06.24

    So, for those that don’t know, the TED conference that focuses on “ideas worth spreading.” Top specialists in various fields are invited to talk on their area of expertise and how they would like to change the world. EEG collects electrical signals from the brain noninvasively (usually with a cap and a scalp  covered in goop).

    Today, I got Dr. Aditi Shankardass‘s presentation, “A second opinion on learning disorders,” in my RSS feed (note: video and transcript are available on the page). And, I have very mixed opinions. Shankardass is an expert and is supporting a more medical definition of learning disorders; many learning disorders are defined by behavior as seen from an external view, not through the individual experience.

    Yet, there were several things in this video that grated on me. First, the nit picky things. By “learning disability,” it actually means “neurological disorder.” Learning disabilities are things like dyslexia. Autism (which this lecture focuses on), ADHD, epilepsy, and other examples are not learning disabilities (although, they impact learning). I don’t know if Shankardass named the  talk, as there was a slide where learning disabilities were noted separately from these other disorders.

    On to the just “ick” factor. For a seven minute video, “suffer” is used 7 times. Two of these were in relation to the neurotypical person suffering. Yes, because neurological disorders are the end all of intelligence. The locked/unlocked mind metaphor is used to describe communication deficits. Okay, just because the outside world isn’t getting the message, doesn’t mean a person is trapped.

    Finally, the straw that gets Alison to write rather than crash on the couch: Shankardass states she found half of children diagnosed with autism actually have brain seizures. Okay, first, there is no explanation of the numbers of children in the study, what part of the autism spectrum they were testing on, and other real basic scientific process. (I tried finding a paper on this work, but haven’t turned up anything.)

    I know damn well what it feels like when someone dismisses your disability or dismisses that you have a disability. By giving people more reasons to dismiss a disability, does not help people with disabilities. Alison’s inner theater1:

    Autistic Person: I have autism. Could you accommodate me by—

    Neurotypical: —I heard that’s really just brain seizures.

    Autistic Person: I don’t have epilipsy; I have autism.

    Neurotypical: Have you had an EEG? Or maybe you should just try some seizure meds.

    I wish I had a more optimistic view. But, I get to deal with people dismissing my disabilities, telling me “cures,” and ignoring my personhood regularly. I don’t expect people with autism to be free of negative experiences in relation to their disability. Which is different from “suffering” from a disability. It’s external forces (including people) that causes a person with disabilities to have difficulties.

    1 I do not have autism and do not speak for anyone with autism. Internal “theater” are compilations of a disordered mind.

    Been Quiet


    2010 - 06.15

    So, this past month has been a whirlwind.

    Had to pack and move (don’t recommend moving down and up stairs).

    Got an internship, which has had me jumping through all sort of hoops. It’s hard to complain when I got the position at the last conceivable moment (someone had decided to go with another position, I gather) with only a 30 minute phone interview. The commute is about 2 hours, so they gave me a nice stipend for a hotel. I do miss my stuff and my puppy.

    And, of course, the stress has me being sick most of the time. As if being stressed isn’t a good—er, bad?—enough. That said, I have had little plot bunnies hopping through my head. But, it’s sleepy time now. Hopefully, in the next few days I can do another “What is CS?” (most likely on logic) and do prelem work on my newest project bunny plot (creating a pseudoperson and monitoring the effects).

    Dabbling with Video Game Diversity


    2010 - 05.07

    So, I am on this little tangent after watching Danial Floyd’s “Video Games and the Female Audience,” which I followed from “Considerations on Females as Game Consumers” at Border House (a feminist video gaming blog). One of the sticking ideas was that the marketing and design of female video game characters are exclusive towards women.

    Why are the breast physics so important? Why are strong, kick-ass women wearing next to no clothing and high heels?1 Why are the female leads always the romantic interest for the male lead? Why are women developers objectified rather than admired for their talents? Why do women leave the gaming industry?2 Why are there “girl editions”? And why are they always pink?3

    But women aren’t the only ones that are not included into the gaming culture. This includes: people of color, people with disabilities, transmen and transwomen, non-heterosexuals—well, it just sort of continues on.

    So, does any game at least do decent to promote diversity? Some. Not as many as I like, but some.

    Beyond Good & Evil (2003) stars Jade. Jade wears cargo pants, a tank top, and a jacket. While her midriff is visible it isn’t sexy; it just sort of is there (going to go with that being the fashion of the times). She is taking on the world… through photojournalism. There isn’t any romance to be found in this title. While not intended, Jade’s design is racially ambiguous.

    Mass Effect Series (2007—present) allows the user to build their own character. That said, all the marketing uses the default male character and the system enforces heteronormative romantic relationships. The women have personalities and objectives that are not necessarily best for everyone in the universe (just as the men do). It isn’t the portrayal of women that I like though.

    No. It’s Jeff “Joker” Moreau, the Flight Lieutenant (read: pilot) for the series. He also has Vrolik syndrome, meaning he has bones that break very easily. When he walks, he limps and is in apparent pain. It’s a character with a disability! But, how do we know he isn’t a token character? Well, I say the biggest indication is that he isn’t a “very special lesson.” Joker is sarcastic, arrogant, and makes jokes. He is clever. He brags about excelling past his normal classmates, “They all got their asses kicked by the sickly kid with the creaky little legs. One guess who was smiling at graduation.”4

    Final Fantasy XIII (2009) stars Lightening. For the main cast, half are women even. And they pass the Bechdel Test5. Hell, the only romantic subplot is between a lead male and a secondary character. The women themselves, well, they are varying degrees of sexualized and none of their clothes are particularly practical. But, they have opinions, beliefs, and secrets. Lightening punches people, as opposed to the more traditional slap; I admit it is more shocking with a woman than a man.

    Even better there is a black man, Sazh. While the chocobo–friendly afro is a stereotype, he breaks many others. He is a single parent who cares deeply for his son. While he cracks jokes and is the apparent comedic relief, he is still very serious and much more mature than the other characters.

    [Border House has great posts about Sazh and the women of Final Fantasy XIII.]


    Any other characters that are strong and diverse? Who are your favorites? What makes you feel they are a good character?


    1 Suspension of belief ends when you can’t stop thinking how little protection a garment offers and how many times you would trip if you ran in those heels.

    2 Especially alarming considering how difficult it is to get into the gaming market.

    3 I like pink, but give me red, green, purple, and all the other colors too!

    4 This particular line resonates a lot with me. Not only do people with disabilities have to be equally talented to their peers, we have to be better. To make up for our disability in society’s eyes. Not a rational thought, but internalized messages rarely are.

    5 The Bechdel Test says:

    1. It has to have at least two women in it,
    2. Who talk to each other,
    3. About something besides a man.

    The Experience Curse, or The Lie of Meritorcricy


    2010 - 04.28

    I have a lot of experience. I have a lot of experience in different areas. And, because of my incessant perfectionism, I work really fucking hard to excel at these different tasks.

    Meritocracy claims that everyone earns their place. Technology fields like to spout about how they are so meritocratic. And this is complete bull shit.

    The team above the group that demanded the bullshit “prove you’re a programmer” to me posted an internship. An internship that was a combination of marketing, intellectual property law, and open source software knowledge. I haven’t heard back from them. My male roommate (who has no marketing or law background and I wouldn’t trust to program his way out of a paper bag) has gotten a request for an interview. The person who got the previous position effectively saying that my roommate would be getting a job offer.

    … Apparently, being talented isn’t good enough. Knowing the right person outweighs it substantially.

    And, I know I sound bitter. But, I think it’s understandable. I work my ass off to be the best. It’s really special to see someone that has proved that they’re unreliable, incompetent, and arrogant regularly to be seen as so much better than me. I wouldn’t be angry if they were on equal par to me. Subpar though?

    … Yeah, I’m not buying this company’s products. Why would I want to pursue the creations of a company that doesn’t want the best for a position. Only the one that has a good bud.

    Oh, there you are, Antifeminism. Can’t say I was missing you.


    2010 - 04.27

    Yesterday, I went to school solely for Women’s Tea (despite having zero classes and in excruciating pain). Women’s Tea is a little weekly or biweekly get together for the women in my CS department. It’s mostly about just having proof that there really are other women in the department (so bonding), and general gossipy-ness. We’ve been at least somewhat productive brainstorming ideas of how

    Today, the president of the engineering college’s SWE chapter came to visit. First off, my department is in the College of Natural Sciences which is why we have nothing to do with the engineering student chapters. And this was the first time I had a clear “yep, definitely do not want to be there” towards the engineering school.

    The young lady that came to represent a student group to promote women engineers? If the title doesn’t make it obvious, was an antifeminist. Oh goody. I get that most women in male dominated fields don’t get exposed to feminist ideals. That said, I don’t count ignorance as an excuse, especially when it involves putting down others.

    Yeah, I’m about as left as possible before looping back around to a fascist. So, instead of berating someone that next to no one reading this would even recognize, I’ve gone for:

    Alison’s Happy-Go-Lucky Antifeminist Markings List

    • Accepting sexist attitudes, languages, and acts. This includes emphasizing women have a “tough skin” (or else they are victims), claiming hurtful things as jokes, and ignoring criticism by others for antifeminist behaviours.
    • Berating other women on the viewer’s evaluation of the woman for her feminine/masculine behaviours or appearance.
      • Bonus points if the antifeminist shares those traits.
    • Claiming that women and men are equal.
      • Bonus points if this is in regard to pay rates, home maintenance, or child rearing.
    • Expecting chivalry (i.e. man to pick up the check).
    • Using sexist language about women or men, including brush stoke generalizations.
    • Claim to speak for all women. Or speaking for any group shy an election.
    • Not being supportive of all women. Women of color, transwomen, non-heterosexual women, disabled women, women from other nations, women of other religions, poor women, women that follow patriarchal ideals… are all women, so support them, damnit.

    I wish I could change the world on so many things. Pity that the world doesn’t need to listen.