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    EEG & Disability: TED Talk Reaction


    2010 - 06.24

    Posted in Disability, Rant, Society | 1 Comment »

    So, for those that don’t know, the TED conference that focuses on “ideas worth spreading.” Top specialists in various fields are invited to talk on their area of expertise and how they would like to change the world. EEG collects electrical signals from the brain noninvasively (usually with a cap and a scalp  covered in goop).

    Today, I got Dr. Aditi Shankardass‘s presentation, “A second opinion on learning disorders,” in my RSS feed (note: video and transcript are available on the page). And, I have very mixed opinions. Shankardass is an expert and is supporting a more medical definition of learning disorders; many learning disorders are defined by behavior as seen from an external view, not through the individual experience.

    Yet, there were several things in this video that grated on me. First, the nit picky things. By “learning disability,” it actually means “neurological disorder.” Learning disabilities are things like dyslexia. Autism (which this lecture focuses on), ADHD, epilepsy, and other examples are not learning disabilities (although, they impact learning). I don’t know if Shankardass named the  talk, as there was a slide where learning disabilities were noted separately from these other disorders.

    On to the just “ick” factor. For a seven minute video, “suffer” is used 7 times. Two of these were in relation to the neurotypical person suffering. Yes, because neurological disorders are the end all of intelligence. The locked/unlocked mind metaphor is used to describe communication deficits. Okay, just because the outside world isn’t getting the message, doesn’t mean a person is trapped.

    Finally, the straw that gets Alison to write rather than crash on the couch: Shankardass states she found half of children diagnosed with autism actually have brain seizures. Okay, first, there is no explanation of the numbers of children in the study, what part of the autism spectrum they were testing on, and other real basic scientific process. (I tried finding a paper on this work, but haven’t turned up anything.)

    I know damn well what it feels like when someone dismisses your disability or dismisses that you have a disability. By giving people more reasons to dismiss a disability, does not help people with disabilities. Alison’s inner theater1:

    Autistic Person: I have autism. Could you accommodate me by—

    Neurotypical: —I heard that’s really just brain seizures.

    Autistic Person: I don’t have epilipsy; I have autism.

    Neurotypical: Have you had an EEG? Or maybe you should just try some seizure meds.

    I wish I had a more optimistic view. But, I get to deal with people dismissing my disabilities, telling me “cures,” and ignoring my personhood regularly. I don’t expect people with autism to be free of negative experiences in relation to their disability. Which is different from “suffering” from a disability. It’s external forces (including people) that causes a person with disabilities to have difficulties.

    1 I do not have autism and do not speak for anyone with autism. Internal “theater” are compilations of a disordered mind.

    Dabbling with Video Game Diversity


    2010 - 05.07

    Tags: , , , , ,
    Posted in Disability, Diversity, Feminism, Miscellaneous, Society | Comments Off

    So, I am on this little tangent after watching Danial Floyd’s “Video Games and the Female Audience,” which I followed from “Considerations on Females as Game Consumers” at Border House (a feminist video gaming blog). One of the sticking ideas was that the marketing and design of female video game characters are exclusive towards women.

    Why are the breast physics so important? Why are strong, kick-ass women wearing next to no clothing and high heels?1 Why are the female leads always the romantic interest for the male lead? Why are women developers objectified rather than admired for their talents? Why do women leave the gaming industry?2 Why are there “girl editions”? And why are they always pink?3

    But women aren’t the only ones that are not included into the gaming culture. This includes: people of color, people with disabilities, transmen and transwomen, non-heterosexuals—well, it just sort of continues on.

    So, does any game at least do decent to promote diversity? Some. Not as many as I like, but some.

    Beyond Good & Evil (2003) stars Jade. Jade wears cargo pants, a tank top, and a jacket. While her midriff is visible it isn’t sexy; it just sort of is there (going to go with that being the fashion of the times). She is taking on the world… through photojournalism. There isn’t any romance to be found in this title. While not intended, Jade’s design is racially ambiguous.

    Mass Effect Series (2007—present) allows the user to build their own character. That said, all the marketing uses the default male character and the system enforces heteronormative romantic relationships. The women have personalities and objectives that are not necessarily best for everyone in the universe (just as the men do). It isn’t the portrayal of women that I like though.

    No. It’s Jeff “Joker” Moreau, the Flight Lieutenant (read: pilot) for the series. He also has Vrolik syndrome, meaning he has bones that break very easily. When he walks, he limps and is in apparent pain. It’s a character with a disability! But, how do we know he isn’t a token character? Well, I say the biggest indication is that he isn’t a “very special lesson.” Joker is sarcastic, arrogant, and makes jokes. He is clever. He brags about excelling past his normal classmates, “They all got their asses kicked by the sickly kid with the creaky little legs. One guess who was smiling at graduation.”4

    Final Fantasy XIII (2009) stars Lightening. For the main cast, half are women even. And they pass the Bechdel Test5. Hell, the only romantic subplot is between a lead male and a secondary character. The women themselves, well, they are varying degrees of sexualized and none of their clothes are particularly practical. But, they have opinions, beliefs, and secrets. Lightening punches people, as opposed to the more traditional slap; I admit it is more shocking with a woman than a man.

    Even better there is a black man, Sazh. While the chocobo–friendly afro is a stereotype, he breaks many others. He is a single parent who cares deeply for his son. While he cracks jokes and is the apparent comedic relief, he is still very serious and much more mature than the other characters.

    [Border House has great posts about Sazh and the women of Final Fantasy XIII.]

    Any other characters that are strong and diverse? Who are your favorites? What makes you feel they are a good character?

    1 Suspension of belief ends when you can’t stop thinking how little protection a garment offers and how many times you would trip if you ran in those heels.

    2 Especially alarming considering how difficult it is to get into the gaming market.

    3 I like pink, but give me red, green, purple, and all the other colors too!

    4 This particular line resonates a lot with me. Not only do people with disabilities have to be equally talented to their peers, we have to be better. To make up for our disability in society’s eyes. Not a rational thought, but internalized messages rarely are.

    5 The Bechdel Test says:

    1. It has to have at least two women in it,
    2. Who talk to each other,
    3. About something besides a man.

    Feminist Computing?


    2010 - 04.10

    Tags: , , ,
    Posted in Computer Science, Feminism, Society | Comments Off

    [So, I guess I'm too pissed off to mope this weekend. Ah well.]

    Computing is gendered.

    And I don’t mean ratio of men to non-men. I mean this shit uses pronouns.

    For a second-year computing course, we needed to choose partners for the assignments. To make this easier and not an exercise in “pick your friends,” the professor had us fill out a form; all of the forms were visible online. One had this treat:

    Recursion rapes me bad.

    I sat there stunned. Someone compared a methodology to rape. I grabbed the female TA; she couldn’t make any sense of it either. No one had considered that the answers needed to be reviewed.

    And, to be fair, I don’t think it was a male student making this assertion. One of the female students I had in this course, exclaimed that a “test had raped [her].” Why? I’ve yet to hear a male student make a similar statement. But, then men don’t get raped.1 Why would they describe themselves as being raped? None of the male students she was talking to called her on it. It’s acceptable for women being raped as a metaphor for a hard exam.

    Grading assignments, I have written that “objects are not people” as part of the explanation as to why they are loosing points (or didn’t earn points). Why? Because Bob, Guy, Dood, etc. aren’t useful or descriptive variable names. They aren’t useful names for anything besides demonstrating that the writer has a “default male” worldview.

    I point out when the male faculty members use “girl” to describe their students. They are getting better at it and know why the term is problematic. First off, this is a university. It’s pretty unusual for someone to be in attendance that hasn’t reached puberty or age of majority. It’s not the correct term. Second, there  is the issue that the equivalent “boy” is never used for men. It is an insult for a man to be called a boy; it should be viewed as equally insulting for a woman to be addressed as a “girl.”2

    And then there are the textbooks. For reasons I can’t fathom, texts like to use pronouns. But, as “you” is too informal, the writers create a fictional reader character. This character is almost always masculine. And in the cases when it is feminine, it’s still problematic. Gendered pronouns exclude some readers. Having it masculine excludes women and asserts male privilege. But, the feminine pronouns also exclude men. Both he and she exclude genderqueer readers. So, can we please just use gender neutral pronouns? They, one, you, and the cornucopia of invented pronouns would all be an improvement.

    So, how to promote feminist computing?

    • Get these people into a women or gender studies class. It startles me that women are surprised that the problems they face in computing isn’t unique to computing.
    • Continue or start calling out sexist behaviour or beliefs.
    • Be inclusive. Not only to women, but  everyone.
    • Emphasize the contributions of women, not because this is the special women example, but because that there are women that have contributed a lot to the field.

    Any other suggestions?

    1 A US 1999 study found 9% of reported rape victims are men. That percentage may be lower as men are told that they “can’t be raped” and are belittled when they identify rape.
    2 This statement is problematic: it assumes that being that an adult is a better state than being a child. If anyone has a suggestion on maintaining the sexist comparison without asserting adult privilege, it would be appreciated.

    Labels and Acts of Geekry


    2010 - 04.09

    Tags: , , , , ,
    Posted in Diversity, Feminism, Miscellaneous, Personal, Rant, Society | Comments Off

    I don’t call myself a geek, programmer, hobbyist, maker, gamer, or nerd.1 It isn’t that the definition doesn’t fit me; I just do not like the connotations of the terms. And I really don’t feel inclined to redefine the terms to remove the connotations.

    What’s wrong with being a…? Nothing. I am simply uncomfortable using term that include connotations and stereotypes that I don’t agree with or that are exclusive to me.

    What does an X look like? What pronoun do you use? What scents do they have? What words do you use describe an X?2

    All of those labels I reject? It’s because there’s a stereotype that one is male, heterosexual, European/European-American, teen to 20-something, cisgendered, and able-bodied.

    Those stereotypes?  I am not the person that is being talked to by these groups.3

    And, as is often required, how do I prove that I’m not the one being talked to? Happy example time:

    • Reading a Wired article that stated the reader has a girlfriend with the implication that I am not female. I’m not male, heterosexual, or have a girlfriend, so definitely not talking to me.
    • Reading job advertisements requiring that applicants be “rockhard geek guys.” In addition to not being a guy, I’m not okay with enforcing a definition of masculinity.
    • Seeing a board game called Genji about writing poetry. This reappropriates the works of successful female writers4 of the Heian Period on to a male, fictional character. That is a rapist.
    • Having nearly every female character as the “romantic interest” for the male (player) character. Yes, there are some exceptions. This insistence that there must be a (heteronormative) romantic relationship in a story is frustrating as an asexual.
    • Being told by a person that disability and education are disjoint research subjects. Guess I should repay taxes that were wasted on my public education.
    • Being called “Hitler” as a “joke.” It isn’t a joke if there isn’t a punchline.
    • If I were to dress up as my favorite fictional characters, I will be in a position where I “deserve” to be sexually harassed, assaulted, and objectified.
    • Having to hear that employees fitting the above stereotype helps to support diversity. Yeah, my head hurts.

    And it’s not like I do not enjoy doing geeky things. And there are female geeks that proudly wear the geek badge. I’m just inclined to not use labels that reject me. For more on geeky subcultures and exclusivity, consider:

      1 Dork, creative, designer, scientist, and technologist.
      2 I’m just going to apologize if I didn’t include some means of encoding informations. I think in lists, textures, and adjectives, which is kind of hard for others to grasp.
      3 Saying these subcultures do not exclude me is not equivalent to including me. And not being inclusive is exclusive to me.
      4 Although not relevant, not naming these women is dismissive of their value: Murasaki Shikibu is the writer of The Tale of Genji, and her rival Sei Shounago is best known for The Pillow Book. In the Heian period, being a court lady meant writing poetry to make your respective empress or courtesan look good. There were many others, but these two have made the most lasting impression.

      Prove you’re a programmer


      2010 - 04.08

      Tags: , , , , , ,
      Posted in Computer Science, Disability, Diversity, Feminism, Industry, Personal, Society | 2 Comments »

      That was the major question for an interview I had yesterday. An interview where the only clear direction I had was that I would be doing a 15 minute presentation for. So, I, was expecting an interview focused on my communication skills.

      And a lot of it was.

      And then there was the “prove you’re a programmer” line. Codeless, in a dim-lit room, with no sign of paper or blackboard. How do you answer that? “Here’s my transcript,” “define ‘programmer,’” talk again on projects I’ve done, or what?

      I went with the simplest for me: I grade code; I would hope that’s a good indication that I know how to program.

      I left that interview feeling completely dejected over that one little statement. Nearly in tears, I started the drive to school. And at times like these, I am so glad I have ADHD. Because, while conscious me was trying not to get myself killed from being an emotional breakdown, unconscious me was working out what other paths I could take besides accepting it: the main interviewer had invited me to email him, and he sounded interested in the C class project I had finished, so maybe I was suppose to send him some code? Based on the feedback I got, right answer.

      That said, “prove you’re a programmer” is a very problematic request. I understand that it is a valid concern; there are plenty of coding horror stories. But it could have been phrased so much better.

      “Prove you can do X” is demanded of members of minority groups in varying degrees within “inclusive” environments. Even better, as a member of a minority group means that you get to represent an entire group and that you are only valuable if your contributions are better (not equal to) the majority group.

      Specifically for computing, women’s roles are relegated to technical writing and graphic/interaction design. Women that make contributions that are outside that realm are held as exceptions. Exceptions that are then neglected when discussed outside the bubble of “women in computing.” Seriously, technology isn’t gendered, so why the hell are things made by women viewed as nonexistent?

      Now, to put on my disabled person’s hat. I’m used to dealing with ambiguous statements. Asking “how are you” I’ve learned isn’t a genuine question: the response is a neutral-good sentiment that’s one or two words. But, the question itself is peculiar when I process it: “how are you doing/feeling” or “what causes your existence.” To a normal person, the second version is almost never intended.

      But, being disabled puts me at greater risk than assuming an able-bodied role. And, able-bodied people will overwrite the signs that I don’t hide. That constant twitching, jumpy motion? Obviously, I’m nervous, not hyperactive. (Can’t for the life of me work out what the perception is when I’m clearly not nervous and still twitchy.)

      Statements that are purposefully ambiguous? Well, now I’m fucked. Usually, reinterpret normal talk into their non-ambiguous world view. Now I have to match a question with one answer to one that intends diverse answers.

      Shit.

      It will take a while before I actually catch on that the question has multiple correct answers. At which point, I’ve already spit out whatever answer I came to first.

      Double shit.

      This story may or may not have a happy ending. But, take away the knowledge that speaking from a position of privilege doesn’t mean that you’re saying what you think you’re saying.

      Asking a woman to “prove they’re a programmer” is linked with sexist remarks slung at women. Yeah, the interview probably didn’t intend it to be sexist, but that doesn’t take away the connotations of the statement. If you intend to include women, first step is to remove non-inclusive phrasing.

      Expecting everyone to not have a disability is ignorant. People with disabilities are expected to compensate for a disability, rather than society accommodate that disability. Demanding that I follow societal interpretations and recognize when this “communication contract” (secret normal people talk pattern) is broken takes away my power.

      Words have meanings.

      They have lots of meanings.

      They have meanings that aren’t even written down.

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