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    • Oh, there you are, Antifeminism. Can’t say I was missing you.

    2010 - 04.27

    Tags: , , Category Feminism | Comments Off

    Yesterday, I went to school solely for Women’s Tea (despite having zero classes and in excruciating pain). Women’s Tea is a little weekly or biweekly get together for the women in my CS department. It’s mostly about just having proof that there really are other women in the department (so bonding), and general gossipy-ness. We’ve been at least somewhat productive brainstorming ideas of how

    Today, the president of the engineering college’s SWE chapter came to visit. First off, my department is in the College of Natural Sciences which is why we have nothing to do with the engineering student chapters. And this was the first time I had a clear “yep, definitely do not want to be there” towards the engineering school.

    The young lady that came to represent a student group to promote women engineers? If the title doesn’t make it obvious, was an antifeminist. Oh goody. I get that most women in male dominated fields don’t get exposed to feminist ideals. That said, I don’t count ignorance as an excuse, especially when it involves putting down others.

    Yeah, I’m about as left as possible before looping back around to a fascist. So, instead of berating someone that next to no one reading this would even recognize, I’ve gone for:

    Alison’s Happy-Go-Lucky Antifeminist Markings List

    • Accepting sexist attitudes, languages, and acts. This includes emphasizing women have a “tough skin” (or else they are victims), claiming hurtful things as jokes, and ignoring criticism by others for antifeminist behaviours.
    • Berating other women on the viewer’s evaluation of the woman for her feminine/masculine behaviours or appearance.
      • Bonus points if the antifeminist shares those traits.
    • Claiming that women and men are equal.
      • Bonus points if this is in regard to pay rates, home maintenance, or child rearing.
    • Expecting chivalry (i.e. man to pick up the check).
    • Using sexist language about women or men, including brush stoke generalizations.
    • Claim to speak for all women. Or speaking for any group shy an election.
    • Not being supportive of all women. Women of color, transwomen, non-heterosexual women, disabled women, women from other nations, women of other religions, poor women, women that follow patriarchal ideals… are all women, so support them, damnit.

    I wish I could change the world on so many things. Pity that the world doesn’t need to listen.

    Feminist Computing?

    2010 - 04.10

    Tags: , , , Category Computer Science, Feminism, Society | Comments Off

    [So, I guess I'm too pissed off to mope this weekend. Ah well.]

    Computing is gendered.

    And I don’t mean ratio of men to non-men. I mean this shit uses pronouns.

    For a second-year computing course, we needed to choose partners for the assignments. To make this easier and not an exercise in “pick your friends,” the professor had us fill out a form; all of the forms were visible online. One had this treat:

    Recursion rapes me bad.

    I sat there stunned. Someone compared a methodology to rape. I grabbed the female TA; she couldn’t make any sense of it either. No one had considered that the answers needed to be reviewed.

    And, to be fair, I don’t think it was a male student making this assertion. One of the female students I had in this course, exclaimed that a “test had raped [her].” Why? I’ve yet to hear a male student make a similar statement. But, then men don’t get raped.1 Why would they describe themselves as being raped? None of the male students she was talking to called her on it. It’s acceptable for women being raped as a metaphor for a hard exam.

    Grading assignments, I have written that “objects are not people” as part of the explanation as to why they are loosing points (or didn’t earn points). Why? Because Bob, Guy, Dood, etc. aren’t useful or descriptive variable names. They aren’t useful names for anything besides demonstrating that the writer has a “default male” worldview.

    I point out when the male faculty members use “girl” to describe their students. They are getting better at it and know why the term is problematic. First off, this is a university. It’s pretty unusual for someone to be in attendance that hasn’t reached puberty or age of majority. It’s not the correct term. Second, there  is the issue that the equivalent “boy” is never used for men. It is an insult for a man to be called a boy; it should be viewed as equally insulting for a woman to be addressed as a “girl.”2

    And then there are the textbooks. For reasons I can’t fathom, texts like to use pronouns. But, as “you” is too informal, the writers create a fictional reader character. This character is almost always masculine. And in the cases when it is feminine, it’s still problematic. Gendered pronouns exclude some readers. Having it masculine excludes women and asserts male privilege. But, the feminine pronouns also exclude men. Both he and she exclude genderqueer readers. So, can we please just use gender neutral pronouns? They, one, you, and the cornucopia of invented pronouns would all be an improvement.

    So, how to promote feminist computing?

    • Get these people into a women or gender studies class. It startles me that women are surprised that the problems they face in computing isn’t unique to computing.
    • Continue or start calling out sexist behaviour or beliefs.
    • Be inclusive. Not only to women, but  everyone.
    • Emphasize the contributions of women, not because this is the special women example, but because that there are women that have contributed a lot to the field.

    Any other suggestions?

    1 A US 1999 study found 9% of reported rape victims are men. That percentage may be lower as men are told that they “can’t be raped” and are belittled when they identify rape.
    2 This statement is problematic: it assumes that being that an adult is a better state than being a child. If anyone has a suggestion on maintaining the sexist comparison without asserting adult privilege, it would be appreciated.

    Update: Programmer Proof

    2010 - 04.09

    Tags: , , Category Feminism, Industry, Miscellaneous | Comments Off

    I’m not sure if I should be dismayed that sexism is so prevalent in computing, or happy that it’s at least out in the open. I didn’t get the internship I interviewed for this week.1

    Two days ago I interviewed for an Open Source internship at a branch of one of the largest tech companies on the planet. I got to hear, “prove you’re a programmer.” Unsurprisingly, my male roommate didn’t get asked that when he went to interview today.

    Just so we’re clear, it’s discrimination if you ask a question to only a subset of applicants. No, there are no bullshit gray areas on this. This is the policy description held at that company.

    So, what do I do? Or, more useful, what can people that find themselves in a similar situation do?

    I have several advantages in that I knew most of the other interviewees. It’s really hard to know a question is only being asked of you if you’re the only interview session that you know about.

    But what else?

    Well, I’ve endeared myself to people that have a whole hell of a lot more influence than I do. My boss/mentor? Yeah, she and many of the faculty at my university were former employees of that company, going into academia upon retirement. She can easily get an audience with anyone there and get results out of someone.

    I found and told my boss/mentor immediately to talk about this unfathomable question posed to me. And she agreed that it could have been phrased better. And stated that it could or could not be sexist, and that we’ll wait and see.

    Yeah, not getting the position upset me. It sounded like a really good fit to me and my skills. But, no, I don’t want the job. First, why the hell would I want to work with some sexist asshole? Second, because it would be punishing someone (the intern chosen) who hasn’t done anything wrong.

    So, what happens now? Most likely I’ll get an apology  from someone I’ve never heard of and have no beef with.

    I can’t afford to sue for discrimination.

    This company can’t be blacklisted as female-hating.

    It’s a stalemate. One that I think happens a lot more than people talk about.

    I think I know why boss/mentor was scared of what would happen if I applied to her former company. I don’t exactly fit.

    1 I was promised an email that would confirm I had the internship, or a rejection with feedback. Yeah, I didn’t get either. I got to hear it from my roommate that heard it from the person who did get it.

    Labels and Acts of Geekry

    2010 - 04.09

    Tags: , , , , , Category Diversity, Feminism, Miscellaneous, Personal, Rant, Society | Comments Off

    I don’t call myself a geek, programmer, hobbyist, maker, gamer, or nerd.1 It isn’t that the definition doesn’t fit me; I just do not like the connotations of the terms. And I really don’t feel inclined to redefine the terms to remove the connotations.

    What’s wrong with being a…? Nothing. I am simply uncomfortable using term that include connotations and stereotypes that I don’t agree with or that are exclusive to me.

    What does an X look like? What pronoun do you use? What scents do they have? What words do you use describe an X?2

    All of those labels I reject? It’s because there’s a stereotype that one is male, heterosexual, European/European-American, teen to 20-something, cisgendered, and able-bodied.

    Those stereotypes?  I am not the person that is being talked to by these groups.3

    And, as is often required, how do I prove that I’m not the one being talked to? Happy example time:

    • Reading a Wired article that stated the reader has a girlfriend with the implication that I am not female. I’m not male, heterosexual, or have a girlfriend, so definitely not talking to me.
    • Reading job advertisements requiring that applicants be “rockhard geek guys.” In addition to not being a guy, I’m not okay with enforcing a definition of masculinity.
    • Seeing a board game called Genji about writing poetry. This reappropriates the works of successful female writers4 of the Heian Period on to a male, fictional character. That is a rapist.
    • Having nearly every female character as the “romantic interest” for the male (player) character. Yes, there are some exceptions. This insistence that there must be a (heteronormative) romantic relationship in a story is frustrating as an asexual.
    • Being told by a person that disability and education are disjoint research subjects. Guess I should repay taxes that were wasted on my public education.
    • Being called “Hitler” as a “joke.” It isn’t a joke if there isn’t a punchline.
    • If I were to dress up as my favorite fictional characters, I will be in a position where I “deserve” to be sexually harassed, assaulted, and objectified.
    • Having to hear that employees fitting the above stereotype helps to support diversity. Yeah, my head hurts.

    And it’s not like I do not enjoy doing geeky things. And there are female geeks that proudly wear the geek badge. I’m just inclined to not use labels that reject me. For more on geeky subcultures and exclusivity, consider:

      1 Dork, creative, designer, scientist, and technologist.
      2 I’m just going to apologize if I didn’t include some means of encoding informations. I think in lists, textures, and adjectives, which is kind of hard for others to grasp.
      3 Saying these subcultures do not exclude me is not equivalent to including me. And not being inclusive is exclusive to me.
      4 Although not relevant, not naming these women is dismissive of their value: Murasaki Shikibu is the writer of The Tale of Genji, and her rival Sei Shounago is best known for The Pillow Book. In the Heian period, being a court lady meant writing poetry to make your respective empress or courtesan look good. There were many others, but these two have made the most lasting impression.

      Causation and Mental Illness

      2010 - 04.08

      Tags: , , , , Category Personal, Rant | Comments Off

      Anxiety, depression, dissociative identity disorder,

      Why am I talking about this?

      After a 2 year reprieve, I am back to being depressed.1

      And the question that pisses me off the most is, “why are you depressed?” Because if there’s a cause, there must be a cure! Find the magical traumatic event and my brain will start pumping chemicals correctly!

      … Wait.… I don’t think it works that way.

      And, perhaps, this misconception arose from the mental illness categorization. Physical illnesses almost always have a cause associated with them: typically a bacteria or virus. Physical illnesses have causes. Mental illnesses? The medical cause is attributed almost exclusively to chemical imbalances.

      B-B-But chemical imbalances are physical! Yes, yes they are.

      I don’t view my two years without a significant depressive episode as being “cured.” Nor is my current state a “regression” or “new case.” I am a person with depression. There isn’t a cure. I have good days and bad days with my level of depression (and anxiety, for that matter).

      Please don’t ask me for a cause. The cause is I’m effectively broken. Although, I prefer the existentialist answer of “because I am.”

      For those that recognize that depression is a chemical imbalance, they demand that I take pills. As if I am too depressed to realize I want or “need” to take medication. As if I hadn’t already considered it.

      As if I don’t have autonomy.

      1To be fair, it came back this summer and I just didn’t want to admit to myself that was the case. It has become increasingly severe, which is part of the reason why I haven’t blogged in a while. I didn’t feel like it. Presently, I’m forcing myself to do things that I used to enjoy.

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