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    Prove you’re a programmer


    2010 - 04.08

    That was the major question for an interview I had yesterday. An interview where the only clear direction I had was that I would be doing a 15 minute presentation for. So, I, was expecting an interview focused on my communication skills.

    And a lot of it was.

    And then there was the “prove you’re a programmer” line. Codeless, in a dim-lit room, with no sign of paper or blackboard. How do you answer that? “Here’s my transcript,” “define ‘programmer,’” talk again on projects I’ve done, or what?

    I went with the simplest for me: I grade code; I would hope that’s a good indication that I know how to program.

    I left that interview feeling completely dejected over that one little statement. Nearly in tears, I started the drive to school. And at times like these, I am so glad I have ADHD. Because, while conscious me was trying not to get myself killed from being an emotional breakdown, unconscious me was working out what other paths I could take besides accepting it: the main interviewer had invited me to email him, and he sounded interested in the C class project I had finished, so maybe I was suppose to send him some code? Based on the feedback I got, right answer.

    That said, “prove you’re a programmer” is a very problematic request. I understand that it is a valid concern; there are plenty of coding horror stories. But it could have been phrased so much better.

    “Prove you can do X” is demanded of members of minority groups in varying degrees within “inclusive” environments. Even better, as a member of a minority group means that you get to represent an entire group and that you are only valuable if your contributions are better (not equal to) the majority group.

    Specifically for computing, women’s roles are relegated to technical writing and graphic/interaction design. Women that make contributions that are outside that realm are held as exceptions. Exceptions that are then neglected when discussed outside the bubble of “women in computing.” Seriously, technology isn’t gendered, so why the hell are things made by women viewed as nonexistent?

    Now, to put on my disabled person’s hat. I’m used to dealing with ambiguous statements. Asking “how are you” I’ve learned isn’t a genuine question: the response is a neutral-good sentiment that’s one or two words. But, the question itself is peculiar when I process it: “how are you doing/feeling” or “what causes your existence.” To a normal person, the second version is almost never intended.

    But, being disabled puts me at greater risk than assuming an able-bodied role. And, able-bodied people will overwrite the signs that I don’t hide. That constant twitching, jumpy motion? Obviously, I’m nervous, not hyperactive. (Can’t for the life of me work out what the perception is when I’m clearly not nervous and still twitchy.)

    Statements that are purposefully ambiguous? Well, now I’m fucked. Usually, reinterpret normal talk into their non-ambiguous world view. Now I have to match a question with one answer to one that intends diverse answers.

    Shit.

    It will take a while before I actually catch on that the question has multiple correct answers. At which point, I’ve already spit out whatever answer I came to first.

    Double shit.

    This story may or may not have a happy ending. But, take away the knowledge that speaking from a position of privilege doesn’t mean that you’re saying what you think you’re saying.

    Asking a woman to “prove they’re a programmer” is linked with sexist remarks slung at women. Yeah, the interview probably didn’t intend it to be sexist, but that doesn’t take away the connotations of the statement. If you intend to include women, first step is to remove non-inclusive phrasing.

    Expecting everyone to not have a disability is ignorant. People with disabilities are expected to compensate for a disability, rather than society accommodate that disability. Demanding that I follow societal interpretations and recognize when this “communication contract” (secret normal people talk pattern) is broken takes away my power.

    Words have meanings.

    They have lots of meanings.

    They have meanings that aren’t even written down.

    Data Structures


    2010 - 02.26

    I’m grading for the data structures course this semester. The prof has never taught the course and is reusing assignments from a previous professor’s version of the coursework.

    I spent Monday sick and grading. (I did not receive the assignments to grade until after the department grade-by due date and had to rush.)

    Grading is a very disheartening. The purpose of the assignment was to demonstrate using a queue. Prof said they could use more advanced data structures. The students did not comprehend they were to still follow the queue requirements (enqueue, dequeue, limited access, etc.).

    Out of 70 students only 1 included a queue, reused from recitation. About 20 had included Java’s queue (many of which preceded to use a secondary data structure to do the actual work). The rest used another data structure altogether to reach the same effect: ArrayLists to LinkedLists to HashMaps to trees.

    For people that are not familiar with a queue, this is among one of the simplest data structures to implement. It implements a First In, First Out (FIFO) means of accessing data. One can only access the first (or “top”) Object in the queue; all other contents are inaccessible.

    … I don’t understand the drive of these students to use more complex data structures (and code design) than is necessary. A queue uses notably less memory and has a faster access time these other data structures.

    I read comments that a hash table is more efficient than a queue. Queues have constant time adds (enqueues) and removals (dequeues). A hash table has O(1 + k/n), where k is the number of keys and n is the number of elements; this is between linear and logarithmic time scales (meaning the amount of time to perform an add or removal will increase with an increase in the size of data structure).

    This scares me. There will be (if there aren’t already) computer scientists and programmers making inefficient code because they genuinely believe their way is better.

    … I talked to the prof in charge (who has been out of town this week) about my issues. My actual boss, the Director of Mentoring and Retention, had spoken to him previously about this. (I was actually third to complain about it to her.) And she was not getting through to him; she was even considering going to the department chair.

    After I told the prof what had transpired, the light bulb finally went on for him. Students will not prove they understand concepts unless they are forced to. Getting the right answer is more important than learning, I guess.

    Spring Work


    2010 - 01.26

    So, this semester I’m going to have quite a workload. All my courses have a high reading amount. Two require homework and/or a programming assignment each week.

    In addition, I will be grading the first programming course, tutoring a foreign visually impaired student, and doing side research for the Director of Mentoring & Retention. I’m not even sure my workstudy is for this semester, but I’m guessing the Director wants to spend every dime (thereby making sure I get the full employment pay).

    In most semesters, I have done side projects which dabble into my interest. Yet, I’m not sure I will have the time this time. So, I have decided that I will continue watching how this semester goes and then decide whether I have the time.

    If it does work out, I think I would like to do some cell phone programming (probably Android, but maybe the iPhone‘s Objective C). I don’t know what I would want to program though. I would like to involve hardware, like the GPS or accelerometer. I think the best tools are tangible or ubiquitous.

    New Goal


    2010 - 01.24

    I have thought a lot over break about what I will be doing the coming year. While I have planned my life to be attending graduate school immediately after I graduate, I do not think this is the best choice for me anymore.

    I know I’d get into most schools. But, I don’t know that I would be happy in them. I can only point out something obvious before I just give up. (How many times have I heard people brag about the accessibility of virtual worlds? I guess only wheelchair users are disabled.)

    Getting into a school of choice doesn’t mean it’s where one belongs. Before entering computer science, I had been accepted into a top advertising department. While I liked my courses and profs, I didn’t belong there. Many of my peers did not relate to me. I don’t know if the stark contrast between my peers and my profs was from a maturity gap or what. Either way, it didn’t make me happy.

    … I have gotten disgusted by academia’s insistence that I prove I’m worthy of something without doing the same for me. They brag about papers and research, but never say what I get in return for joining them. Big deal if I get my name on publications; this assumes I don’t earn it. I get a degree that I earned. Yet, the university gets cheap research and teaching labor. While there is the employer-employee format, there is a lack of the cross-interview portion.

    In industry, I don’t know whether I will be happy either. Being a code monkey is a frightening prospect. But,I don’t want to believe that a company wouldn’t want to fully utilize it’s workforce. Would be a rather ignorant and inefficient format.

    Special Treatment


    2009 - 11.10

    Professors are always biased when it comes to students they know. Depending on the professor, this may be a bias in your favor or one that makes you work 10 times harder than everyone else. Both aren’t okay.

    Today, I missed class because there was more grading for me to do. This extra work was because the prof I am TAing for accepted homework assignments via email from a handful of students and didn’t bother to tell me. 2 of these students emailed after the due date.

    None of these students has a learning disability, let alone one that affects their ability to turn work in. And, even if they did, university policy states that disability status cannot force a professor to have a flexible due date for students with disabilities.

    I’m pissed for several reasons:

    1. The students know damn well they need to use the checkin program and how to use it. Department machines can be accessed remotely.
    2. Turning in work late isn’t okay. Unless there’s a medical emergency, then tough shit.
    3. These students were out of town the weekend that the assignment was due. They had 1 and a half weeks to do and turn in an assignment that should take at most 2-3 hours at their level.
    4. I wasn’t informed until today about these students, 10 days later. I’m expected to finish grading within 5 days of the due date. (I ended up missing a class to do this new grading.)
    5. The professor didn’t consider the graduate TAs saying “no” to the students requests. This is rather disrespectful.

    Special treatment is very different from accommodation. I have never turned in an assignment late or partially completed; no one has ever told me that these are acceptable things to do. No one has said that misinterpreting directions, or choosing to view them as “not including me,” as being an acceptable thing to do.

    I have begun the process to file a complaint about this. And it’s not just about me. It’s about the graduate TAs that are expected to tell me what the professor is doing. And it’s about the 65 other students that did follow directions.

    Damn, I wish my job wasn’t so stressful.