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    New Goal


    2010 - 01.24

    I have thought a lot over break about what I will be doing the coming year. While I have planned my life to be attending graduate school immediately after I graduate, I do not think this is the best choice for me anymore.

    I know I’d get into most schools. But, I don’t know that I would be happy in them. I can only point out something obvious before I just give up. (How many times have I heard people brag about the accessibility of virtual worlds? I guess only wheelchair users are disabled.)

    Getting into a school of choice doesn’t mean it’s where one belongs. Before entering computer science, I had been accepted into a top advertising department. While I liked my courses and profs, I didn’t belong there. Many of my peers did not relate to me. I don’t know if the stark contrast between my peers and my profs was from a maturity gap or what. Either way, it didn’t make me happy.

    … I have gotten disgusted by academia’s insistence that I prove I’m worthy of something without doing the same for me. They brag about papers and research, but never say what I get in return for joining them. Big deal if I get my name on publications; this assumes I don’t earn it. I get a degree that I earned. Yet, the university gets cheap research and teaching labor. While there is the employer-employee format, there is a lack of the cross-interview portion.

    In industry, I don’t know whether I will be happy either. Being a code monkey is a frightening prospect. But,I don’t want to believe that a company wouldn’t want to fully utilize it’s workforce. Would be a rather ignorant and inefficient format.

    Special Treatment


    2009 - 11.10

    Professors are always biased when it comes to students they know. Depending on the professor, this may be a bias in your favor or one that makes you work 10 times harder than everyone else. Both aren’t okay.

    Today, I missed class because there was more grading for me to do. This extra work was because the prof I am TAing for accepted homework assignments via email from a handful of students and didn’t bother to tell me. 2 of these students emailed after the due date.

    None of these students has a learning disability, let alone one that affects their ability to turn work in. And, even if they did, university policy states that disability status cannot force a professor to have a flexible due date for students with disabilities.

    I’m pissed for several reasons:

    1. The students know damn well they need to use the checkin program and how to use it. Department machines can be accessed remotely.
    2. Turning in work late isn’t okay. Unless there’s a medical emergency, then tough shit.
    3. These students were out of town the weekend that the assignment was due. They had 1 and a half weeks to do and turn in an assignment that should take at most 2-3 hours at their level.
    4. I wasn’t informed until today about these students, 10 days later. I’m expected to finish grading within 5 days of the due date. (I ended up missing a class to do this new grading.)
    5. The professor didn’t consider the graduate TAs saying “no” to the students requests. This is rather disrespectful.

    Special treatment is very different from accommodation. I have never turned in an assignment late or partially completed; no one has ever told me that these are acceptable things to do. No one has said that misinterpreting directions, or choosing to view them as “not including me,” as being an acceptable thing to do.

    I have begun the process to file a complaint about this. And it’s not just about me. It’s about the graduate TAs that are expected to tell me what the professor is doing. And it’s about the 65 other students that did follow directions.

    Damn, I wish my job wasn’t so stressful.

    Unusual job suggestion


    2009 - 11.04

    My official title is Assistant to the Director of Mentoring and Retention. My work has varied from cleaning to keeping the Director sane to web site design to an in-class teaching assistant to mentoring to running a student group to grading. So far I haven’t had a significant amount of say in what work I will be doing.

    This semester has been hell though with grading. I am grading, by hand, the quality of the code submitted (the equivalent of a grammar check on an essay) for the second semester programming course. This latest assignment is taking 20-30 minutes to grade each student and with 66 submissions I can feel my brain melt.

    Because I’m having to use more mental and time resources than the Director expected when she signed me over to another prof, she has asked me what work I want to do my final semester. And the idea that I have in mind is very unusual.

    We have 200 and 400-level independent study credits. For several years, excluding last year, there has been a group independent study in the spring with students from both the 200 and 400 level. This is led by the Director and usually another faculty member with approximately 10 students. The purpose being to do undergraduate research as a group or groups and practice presenting findings in the spring poster session.

    I have asked to be the teacher for this course next semester.

    I know that at some point of my academic career I will be a lab/recitation teaching assistant. Between my social anxiety and attention deficit, I can honestly say that teaching will be difficult for me. So, I want practice first.  The group study seems like a good place to get my feet wet.

    1. No preset agenda.While I enjoy structure when learning, it will take some coaxing to keep me from going on a tangent.
    2. Minimal grading compared to normal TA work.
    3. Encouraging creativity and critical thinking. I’m passionate about learning; creative and critical thinking are fantastic skills for others to develop.
    4. Writing reports and researching literature are two of my strongest skills which I can teach to others.
    5. Small group size. Less people means less anxiety.

    The Director approves of this suggestion. Now, we just need to know whose approval we need for me to do something that’s never been done before by a graduate student, let alone an undergrad.

      Setting Bars


      2009 - 11.03

      [What follows is pretty free form, so sorry if it's hard to follow.]

      Yesterday, I went to a talk on science education in the twenty-first century. The main points from the talk were:

      • Traditional lecture-style teaching results in 10-20% retention of knowledge.
      • Working memory can last for at most 7 distinct topics.
      • Examples, analogies, and images decrease the working memory load.
      • Explain things as cohesive units rather than as disjoint parts.
      • Even if the choice is insignificant, the ability to have a choice increases motivation.
      • Most students leave classrooms with less “expert-like” thinking than when they entered.

      … So, if it isn’t really clear, I research a lot on education in STEM areas. And, the longer I am in college, the more I am convinced that many professors have no idea where the bar should be set on how students should preform. A particular favorite is a professor who explained his curving scheme thusly:

      Of course there will be a curve! I list everyone by their uncurved score and then [moving his hands in a window/gap creating fashion up and down] go ‘hmm there.’ And divide the grades that way [with partitions].

      In all honesty, this seems to be the primary methodology for curving computer science courses, including ones where exams are already curved. And it seems detrimental to students learning. This arbitrary curving indicates that one did better than some percent of students, while giving no evidence of what material was actually learned.

      I am currently grading the second programming course in the curriculum. And I feel like banging my head against a wall while doing so. Students make mistakes on material covered in the prerequisite course. Repeatedly. After I dock points and write a comment on what error occurred.

      The professor for this course disproves of  me grading students harshly. This includes docking points for having unnecessary looping and requiring that all of their variables be more meaningful than ‘x.’

      The professor I am working under is also the professor for one of my courses. My project is notably more difficult than others (many have settled on game A.I. while I’m doing computer vision and machine learning). On more than one occasion, he has indicated that he feels it is too complex for me. I’m not sure if this is cultural or because he feels I can’t succeed or that it shows an example of higher difficulty that others should be able to do.

      From elementary through high school, in gifted education and accelerated learning courses. College is the first setting where I am always in classes that are designed for the middle. College is also, interestingly, the first time that I have tested notably worse than my peers and been told that I can’t do something.

      I find myself questioning why I am compared to everyone rather than judged on my own qualities. I have had professors grade me more harshly for being clever, and I don’t agree to this. But, if I’m choosing to do work at a different level, why should I be discouraged? And, to be fair, I think students working at a lower than mean level have a right to work at that level.

      Professors need to work on showing students why subjects are important and how to learn them. Professors are typically passionate about their subjects, they should share this passion.

      Grading


      2009 - 09.09

      It’s very strange to me how my department handles grading.

      First off, the emphasis on having courses on a curve. I understand the significance of having the course weighted for even distribution. But, when the curve is set up with a C+/B- as the median, I’m not convinced that students understand what they are suppose to. In this system, you can tell how well a student did relatively, but not what they know; there isn’t a checklist of knowledge in this case.

      I, as I have mentioned, am doing grading this semester. It’s depressing how few students follow directions.

      … Yet, I can’t entirely blame the students. They are being taught to program in the lower levels. The importance of theory (algorithms, logic, and critiacal thinking) aren’t emphasized. It’s very difficult to blame a student for not understanding, if (s)he doesn’t know why things are important and why we do things a certain in way.

      Even the tutors and some of the grad students don’t get the signifigance. I just want to hit my head against a wall sometimes.